i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
