you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
