and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
