Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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