I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
