what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
