This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
