College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
