3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Boobs speak an international language.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
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