absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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