bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Me too!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
