Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
