I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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