i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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