note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
