Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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