So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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