I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
