What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
