I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
