Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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