I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
