youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
