today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
