Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
