You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
