I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
