some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
