Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
