ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
