Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
