hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
