Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
