Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
