at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just had sex on a roof
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
