this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
