I wish I only lived at night.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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