I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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