so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
