with your own penis?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
