I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
