belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
