Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
