I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
