I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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