Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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