I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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