I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
