we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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