By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
